Well, Hellooo Kneazel!
by casakitten
Summary: Scorpius and Rose: forever competing academically. Scorpius, frustrated at being second, again, practices his Charm's home work on Rose to very surprising results. Who knew cotton knickers could be so life altering?


A/N: So I attended a private school (complete with pleated skirts, and transparent blouses), so this is inspired in part to some of my more embarrassing moments as a result of an impractical wardrobe. The genius that is sillylittleduck took my rough draft, and added stellar details and wording which has left me in awe of her. I borrowed the characterization of Rose and Scorpius from her wonderful fanfic "Misunderstandings and Miscommunications." So credit is absolutely due to her for making this turn out well. Sillylittleduck took a half-assed oneshot and made it way better. Finally, as always, please, please, please read and review! **Rated TEEN for pervy!Scorpius and Rose Weasley's perfect ass.**

"Well, Hellooo Kneazel!"

By Casakitten

"Aerismenti!" Rose Weasley cried.

Professor Flitwick looked on with pleasure, his small hands flailing with enthusiasm as a piece of parchment flitted through the air. Rose Weasley was the first to succeed in propelling a jet of wind from the tip of her wand and sent a piece of parchment airborne.

_'Shocker'_ Thought a disgruntled Scorpius Malfoy from across the room, as he glanced down, less enthused at his own parchment that stubbornly remained unmoved despite his own efforts.

"Miss Weasley, stupendous! Simply stupendous!" their small teacher cried, while Rose grinned at her success and fingered the end of her wand absently. A deep flush colored her freckled cheeks, her eyes downcast as if uncomfortable with the attention that, given her stellar performance in all of her classes, she should have been accustomed to.

The rest of their fifth year Charms class looked on with resignation. Rose Weasley was talented in all of her subjects, not unlike her mother before her, and typically was first to garner any sort of success. Scorpius, in constant second place standing, knitted his eyebrows in concentration while he focused his attention back towards the parchment before him and swished his wand expertly, flicking poignantly at the paper as he murmured: "Aerismenti."

Nothing happened.

"Mr. Malfoy?"

Scorpius silently strung together a few choice colorful words as he timidly glanced up at Professor Flitwick with an apologetic shrug. The squat professor smiled expectantly. "I just… don't know what's wrong. Can't seem to…"

Disappointment ringing on his face the professor moved on the other students. As the rest of class continued on sudden gusts of wind from every direction chorused all around him, as his classmates, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, emulated Rose's success.

Quills, paper, and other small objects wafted through the air and Scorpius colored in frustration and mortification. What was wrong with him today? He berated himself as he slunk down low in his chair, half sulking at he continued his efforts. He was no average student, his own marks were superior to all but Rose. He bit his lip bitterly. Rose who always seemed to best him, Rose who, as though to punctuate her own success, would smile smugly at him each and every time she beat him. He grudgingly had been slotted into second place. Frankly, being unable to master such a simple charm was quite the embarrassment. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Rose Weasley watching him with rapt anticipation, looking almost pitiable at his predicament. He groaned to himself at the pathetic nature of being so overtly pitied in such a way. Could this get any worse?

Glancing at his pocket-watch, Professor Flitwick announced: "Class is dismissed! Mr. Malfoy, please stay after for a moment." Yes, it could.

In a frenzied rush, the class dispersed, except for Rose, who Scorpius noted, was taking her time in collecting her books and continually cast him furtive glances. No doubt in the interest of paying witness the continuation of the public display mortification.

"Now, Mr. Malfoy," Flitwick began, "You're a very talented young wizard, so do not be disheartened by this one minor hurdle! I'm sure with enough practice, and determination, you'll master this charm like any other!" Why was it impossible to dislike this congenial old man, it would be much easier if he could just stalk out of this room and curse him to high heavens to vent his frustrations, but no, not sweet encouraging Professor Flitwick.

Unable to linger any longer in the interest of propriety, Rose made the move to leave, but Professor Flitwick beckoned her over as she passed. An innocent expression of surprise on her porcelain features that Scorpius knew was faker than Tamera Perkins new bra.

"Now," their half-goblin teacher, said firmly. 'What human would have sex with a goblin anyway?' He thought disgruntled at Rose's inclusion. Flitwick gesturing between her and Scorpius. "Miss. Weasley could be of great, great assistance to you! That is, Miss. Weasley, if you'd be willing to sacrifice some of your evening?" Scorpius was quickly changing his mind about being unable to dislike the little git.

Rose smiled prettily, at their Head of House, flashing a disgusting row of perfectly proportioned white teeth and bobbed her head enthusiastically. "Of course, Professor." Then she turned a wide smile at Scorpius. The little toe rag was really enjoying this wasn't she?

Pleased, he clapped his hands together in finality "There we are then. Now you two hurry along to your next class."

With his cheeks flushed, Scorpius grumpily stuffed his books in and shouldered his knapsack, stomping towards the door with Rose on his heels.

"We have Herbology next." She informed him, her eyes wide and a blush on the apples of her cheeks as she strolled along side him with a definitive spring in her step. Was this girl for real, just how much pleasure can you derive from another person's misery? Evil bint, why was she informing him of his next class. Was he now so stupid he can't keep track of his own course schedule?

He bristled visibly, hand still clutching his wand. "I _know_ that."

"Want to walk together?" Rose asked as she chewed on her bottom lip, perhaps to hold back her wide smile he knew was brewing under that faux shy exterior. He had enough experience witnessing the large Weasley clan worm their way out of trouble to ever trust their exterior form. Although she had done well in _not _managing to gloat, he was sure she was enjoying herself thoroughly.

"You go ahead, thanks." Scorpius snapped roughly as he readjusted his book laden bag. She only shrugged in response, but he saw some of the sparkle leaving her eyes, in disappointment at his refusal to allow her more time to bask in her usual glow of superiority no doubt. She turned and with slightly less spring in her step walked ahead of him. Occasionally glancing back at him with her large blue eyes wide with curiosity.

Really, though, if the situation was reversed, he probably would have been enjoying himself at her expense too. Neither were very good sports about the academic rivalry between them that had nearly spanned the entirety of their Hogwarts career. In fact, in the small number of times a charm or spell had bested Rose and he could only really remember this happening two or three times max, he had been delighted and had made no effort to conceal this fact to spare her feelings, and that was running with the assumption the evil bushy haired red head HAD feelings.

Groaning aloud, Scorpius followed Rose at a safe distance. The two walked silently down the charms corridor, down three flights of stairs and out the eastern entrance of the castle and towards the Herbology greenhouse, all the while Scorpius muttering the spell under his breath and pointing it at random ahead of him.

As he failed again and again he wondered in frustration what was so bloody difficult about this particular charm. This was ridiculous! _'Well,'_ he thought and found supreme comfort in this knowledge, _'it's a stupid spell and I'll likely never need to use it.'_ What would he use such a spell for anyway? Still, as he walked across the slowly browning grass towards the third Herbology greenhouse, he continued his efforts.

_Swish and flick. Swish and flick. _He repeated this as though it was a mantra from first year charms in his mind as he waggled his wand in every which direction. "Aerismenti!" he muttered more forcefully than before, "Aerismenti!"

Still, no luck and deciding to give it one last try before succumbing to his humiliating defeat. Just imagine a while evening with little miss perfection personified Rose Weasley! Scorpius sucked in a deep breath and moved his wand before him, extending his arm and stretching his shoulder as he pointed, his eyes locking onto the only moving target.

"Aerismenti!"

A terrific, full gust of air burst forth from his wand, but it was not the force of the spell that drove him backwards. No his stumbling over and landing with a great thud on the cool dirt had much more to do with the shock at the consequences of his innocent gust of wind.

The wind had hit its target, and he heard a frantic Rose Weasley's cry out in surprise and horror as her books and bag were dropped unceremoniously and left strewn across the grass. She frantically grabbed at her uniform skirt, attempting to hold down the full 360 degrees of pleated wool against her thighs. She was unsuccessful.

The gray fabric blew straight upward, whirling and rippling delicately in his conjured breeze. Changing Scorpius's view on life, the universe, everything.

Even as a child, he had never been very interested in Hello Kneazel, the cartoonish catlike creature mostly appealed to little witches too young for makeup and boys, what ever young teenage girls transitioned to. The face of the winking kneazel with its trademark pink bow had been replicated for the magical youth of Great Britain as dolls, a series of novel, on bedspreads, and clothing as well as countless other forms of merchandise. For some inexplicable reason, the image of that kneazel was very endearing to its fans, but as a young boy more interested in Marvin the Madd Muggle or chocolate frog cards, was entirely disinteresting to him.

The sight of _Hello Kneazel_ winking at him from across Rose Weasley's gently curving derriere on a pair of cotton knickers radically changed his opinion on the furry icon.

"Merlin's balls," he gasped as Rose squealed, hand grasping hopelessly at the material in fruitless attempts to drag it down. Scorpius continued to watch, completely unprepared for the emotions and hormonal response that assaulted his unsuspecting body at the image of those endlessly long legs, perfect thighs, and _ass_. Rose Weasley had an ass, a supremely superior ass in his limited knowledge. The sort of ass that made your eyes linger and fingers twitch in the possible anticipation of cupping that ass.

As she continued to shriek, nearly doubling over to prevent further humiliation, he glanced down at his wand hand and started, seeing the rippling effects on the grass his gust of air still emanating from his wand tip. After committing the sight of her to memory, for reasons he wasn't quite willing to identify, he dropped his wand, and in less than a seconds time, the wind subsided and Rose Weasley lay sprawled across the grass, holding her skirt tightly in her fists.

Without thinking, he snatched up his things and ran to meet her as she shakily stood back up, her back towards him.

"Well," he said, because he was just that stupid and couldn't help himself. "Hellooo, Kneazel."

Rose turned her head around slowly; livid was the only way to describe her wide eyes and pale complexion. Her hands still holding her skirt firmly in place... "You… you…" she sputtered as she began gathering her things, pointedly not facing her backside to him as she moved.

"Did it?" Scorpius provided, a wide grin stretched across his face from ear to ear his eyes sparkling with delight.

She stood up, rocking slightly to steady herself. Once she'd planted her feet firmly she glowered at him vehemently, her face having turned an unbelievable shade of red. Suddenly, she straightened primly and smoothed out her skirt. "Congratulations. I suppose you won't be needed my assistance with your inferior charms work then."

"Nope," and if he hadn't known better, he may have thought he saw a small trace of disappointed visible through her rage.

As Rose stalked off in a right stomp, his eyes wouldn't move from their affixed gaze upon her now modest backside, noticing for the first time how the fabric swished delicately below the pert rounded curve. The image of Hello Kneazel grinning at him still fresh in his mind. As Scorpius moved his feet, following at both a safe and visually appealing distance he was surprised to find that after such a revelation, he wasn't entirely sure he would have minded spending the evening under Rose Weasley's tutelage. If only to try and discern if she wore the matching bra.

Best. Spell. Ever.


End file.
